These are the things I could live with out. Especially after that piece of shite.

Did you see what I did there? The first half is part of a song that England used as their official World Cup song - Shout by James Corden and Dizzee Rascal, which to be fair, is a tune. However, I flipped it all on its head with the second part, meaning what is normally an influencial song for England leaving them feeling they could've won the World Cup, now means that they didn't as they were a "piece of shite." Well done RBJ, superb creative skills there.

You don't have to read this one, guys - it's about football.

The World Cup.

Let me just start off by saying that, as you've probably guessed, I'm a huge football fan. Let's not beat around the bush here. Football is such a huge part of my life, I always look forward to the next World Cup, or the next European Championship. Hell, as soon as the regular football season is finished, I'm looking forward to the next one, which, incidentally, unofficially starts on Saturday where Chelsea play Crystal Palace in a Friendly. But you couldn't care less about that. Now, however, I think I might cross off looking forward to the World Cup from my list. It was diabolical this summer. Absolutely diabolical. Why, you ask? Well, I'll tell you.

I'd just like to point out that I'm writing this at, to be exact, 2:36 AM on a Tuesday morning. Yes.

I was looking forward to the World Cup for weeks and weeks and weeks. I kept saying "WORLD CUP STARTS NEXT WEEK AAAHHHH", which is me on a normal day. I do shout things. Normally at people, but never in an angry way. Why, you may ask. Well, I personally have no idea. It's just me, shouting is one of my many past times, which regularly increases depending on the time of day, and the situation. But I digress. Yes, I was excited. The first match? I was out. Excellent. But I'd heard it really wasn't a great match at all. So that's not a great start. I seriously believe that I watched 3 matches for the full 90 minutes all the way through. No word of a lie, I could watch Chelsea for days on end, but this international tournament I just wasn't interested. Wimbledon was on at the same time, I found it far more interesting and entertaining to watch that rather than the World Cup.

The 3 matches I did watch all the way through were England's horrificly bad group matches, which they drew, drew and scraped a victory. Seriously, England were seriously terrible. They played 4 matches in the tournament. How many goals did they score? 3. That's a proper shocker. Rooney, second highest scorer in the Premiership, got 0. Lampard, the most prolific midfielder in Premiership history, got 0. England's goalscorers were Steven Gerrard (now, statistically, the worst England captain of all time. Just throwing that into the mix), Defoe and Upson. None of whom are renowned goalscorers. Capello, the England manager, genuinely doesn't have a clue how to manage an international team, for two reasons. 1) He can't speak the language. He basically has to get his translator to do every interview for him. And 2) He's a prize twat. He's an arrogant, self-obsessed (I think they're the same thing, but as you were) Italian shitfaced fuck who thinks he can just waltz into a normally half-decent International team and balls it all right up. He didn't have a clue. He chose the 11 supposed best players, and made them play a standard 4-4-2 formation. For those who have no idea what "a standard 4-4-2 formation" is, I'll draw a diagram below. With the England team that fucked up in the World Cup.

  Robert Green

Glen Johnson-----Ledley King-------John Terry-----Ashley Cole

Aaron Lennon----Frank Lampard---Steven Gerrard---James Milner

       Emile Heskey----------Wayne Rooney

That's how they lined up in the first game of the World Cup, as in they'd be in those positions across the pitch, with the occasional change where, say, Lampard would go further up the field to support Heskey and Rooney. But you couldn't give less of a shit, could you? Thought not. Anyway, they lined up like that. I'll point out the faults.

1) Robert Green. You must know who Robert Green is. Maybe this picture will refresh your memory.

Yeah, that Robert Green. He's normally a good goalkeeper, but he's no where near World Cup standard.

2) Ledley King. Why was he picked in the first place? This is a player who can't even train at all because he has such a fucked up knee. This is a player who can't even have a kick about in his garden with his 5 year old son because he has such a fucked up knee. I'm sure you can see how he was a fault. Incidentally, he got injured during the first half of the first match, and never played again.

3) Frank Lampard & Steven Gerrard. They can't play together. Simple as that. When you put these two in an England team, it's like putting chocolate on a pile of shit. They look the same, but it's just wrong. They're too similar in how they play. By putting those two in the centre of the pitch together, you're cancelling one of their abilities by making him stay back to help defend, because they're both attacking midfielders. Gerrard isn't even a midfielder anymore for Liverpool, he plays as a striker.

4) Emile fucking Heskey. He's the biggest joke ever to grace a World Cup stadium, seriously. He has 62 Caps for England. He's been playing for England a good 10 years or so. How many goals has he got? For a striker, you should bet it's good. Not quite. He's scored 7. 7 goals in 10 years of football? For a striker, he should be embarrassed. Peter Crouch, the 6 foot 7 inch monster of a striker, was only called up to the England squad two years ago, he has maybe 40 Caps, and he's scored more than 20 goals. How does that work out?

5) Fabio Capello. That really is all I have to day. He's a dickhead.

So there you have it. A comprehensive round up of why England were screwed from the beginning. They never had a chance, and everyone thought they could go on to win it. My fucking arse.

The World Cup was, all in all, utter shit. There was hardly any excitement whatsoever over the course of the tournament. Maybe two good games? By the end, I resorted to not watching any of it, and getting goal flashes from my football fanatic brother. Shocking. And, you'd expect the Final would be half decent. I didn't watch it, but my Dad told me it was an absolute disgrace. This tackle sums it up for me.

On request from CrazyDistortion:

Yeah. No joke. He didn't even get sent off for that.

Fuck you, FIFA, for ruining my World Cup experience.

Interesting fact for you: You'd expect my 3AM blog to be full of mistakes. Turns out, I had one spelling mistake. There we are, readers, trust RBJ to end this scathing blog on a high note!